Sleep deprived randomness nonsense

Sleep!!! I cant sleep right now. My mind is all over the place. I no longer feel like I'm alive I feel like I'm spectating my life from a far. My mind is wandering the lonely cities of my consciousness.

Planet earth has been my home for 23 years. However I still feel like a visitor. I'm more at home on the beach that marks the edge of my subconscious. I watch as tsunami like waves of my deepest most private thoughts come crashing down on me. The beach becomes inundated and I drift off to sea. My feelings are a deadly current that I exhaust all my energy fighting. My fears feel like a anchor it is pulling me down. I find myself fully submerged and I see all the things that keep me up at night, they swim by me like a school of fish......

Questions:

If my love don't last forever does it make it any less valid? Allow me to explain. My love is like milk it has a shelf life, and after that date its a wrap. Some people make claims to love someone forever. Pheebz don't like to dream that far in the future. I mean even sugar turns to shit. Nothing last forever so why try. Why lie to yourself and think someone you met when you are in your 20's could be in love with in your 50's. Why we can't just enjoy it while it last. Why do relationships have to have these unreasonable expectation. Why can't it be more like dancing. We meet you grab my hand and lead me to the dance floor and we lock eyes and ignore everyone around us as our bodies intertwine, but when our song is over we exchange pleasantry and go our separate ways.

If love doesn't last forever loyalty doesn't have a recovering pedophile working at a daycare chance for longevity. Which in turn makes all relationships disposable. So why trust anyone. Why put forth the effort in getting to know someone, knowing one day they will back stab you, abandon you and the love you feel for them will fade?

I'm quick to call it quits in any relationship. I live my life by many self written mantra's. One being “If you wasn't there for me when I needed you than I don't need you to be there for me.”

Sorry for the randomness!