Thursday, March 10, 2011

I am a bitch

  
I can't deny the fact that I am a bitch. I was never a bitch to you in the past because you always treated me so nice. I love you i really do, and i thought you were a real friend to me, however it has come to my attention that you kept it as real as Brian Pumper jeweler. If you read this realize i am not trying to hurt you, because i swear i still love you. I'm just expressing my inner thoughts, and feelings. 
So let me explain why i say it was fake. You know me, you know i am a tough person, I have never in the time you have known me ever said i needed anyone. I told you straight out i need you, and you told me you were sleepy. At first i bottled that shit deep down and never brought it up, but that shit right there hurt me deep down. That shit made me cry. I know everybody think i am so tough but fuck i am just a girl. I have feelings too. 

Nobody hears my alone in the night cries for help because everyone who say they love me has turned a deaf ear to me. I cried so much my insides are dry.

I told you secrets like we came out the pussy together and i would have taken a beating or a bullet for you. All i ever wanted was for you to listen to me and tell me you loved me. 

You told me whatever ma, you brushed me off like some cake crumbs after the shit i just told you. How cold blooded is you? But I promise i don't wish you no harm i hope you get everything you want in life.

I hate the world i hate myself




I been so depressed for a hot minute.  It finally got unbearable and i tried to take myself out. The crazy thing is the shit didn't even fazed me, alive or dead at this point i don't think i really care.  If i was to make a table and on one side put reasons to live and on the other put reasons to die i think i would break even.

I feel alone.... I feel misunderstood... mislabeled.. miserable...   uncomfortable with my comfortableness with death... I'm tired of people depending on me I'm tired of people being undependable. I just want to go in quiet room of toddlers napping and scream as loud as i can! I want to tell all the 6 year old's that there is no such thing as Santa, Easter bunny or Tooth fairy. Let them know life is all about waiting for your friends to fall so you can kick them while they are down.  I want to buy a van and perform abortions in the back with a metal coat hanger.

I'm tired of pretending that i believe in god. Deep down i know that shit is bull shit.

Monday, February 21, 2011

And I don't even like basketball





So one of my friends introduced me to her soon to be basketball playing baby daddy.  Maybe i should say she introduced me to her lotto ticket because that is how she see's it. Wait that is not right the baby would be the lotto ticket so i have no idea what this nigga would be. Any who she introduced me and during this past weekend we was out and about at some exclusive parties, and shit. That is a whole another story.  Well anyway this dude her soon to be baby dad let it be known to me that he wanted to have sex with me. The thing about it the nigga was so casual with it. He play the game like tiger woods. He sent me a text that said "When are you going to let me take you shopping?" Me"Why would you take me shopping?" him"Because i am a nice guy and i like to do nice things" Me "Oh i didn't know you were that nice" him "Yeah i am very nice if you are willing to take care of me"  What??? who says that.  'I could see if he was cute but this nigga look like something i stepped on and wiped on the rug. And i think the nigga come off the bench. He a role player. lol That don't even matter because i wouldn't fuck him if he was a starter. I'm just not a groupie i have never been that type of chick. Besides i don't even like basketball.