Incomplete thoughts

"Some people confide in the person that they sleep with I learned their is no such thing as a secret." -JB


First Date Questions

1 Do you look at the toilet paper after you wipe your ass?
2 If i lost my hand and got a hook hand how would it be used in 4play?
3 Do you fuck ass whole naked?
4 Do you look people in the eye or the mouth when you talk to them?
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New Years resolutions are for failures at life. If you have to wait to the start of the year to make much needed changes in your life slit your throat and make the species stronger.
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 I am a real Nazi when it comes to shaving my pubic hair. I don't like trimming it i just want it gone.  I remember being a teenager and seeing one of my friends full on bush and it looked like it had been used to scrub some thanksgiving pots. You really shouldn't have debris in your pubic hair.
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I don't really regret much in my life. I don't spend too much time thinking about how things would have went if i had done things this or that way.  However, i do spend an enormous amount of time reflecting.  Some people i have encountered in my life have in their own mind loved me. It seems that i collect these sort of people like charm bracelets.  To be completely honest in the past i have referred to these people as throwaways, and viewed them as unworthy of loving.

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In what other profession is your boss referred to as your owner? How is the draft not seen as a modern day slave auction? They got niggaz jumping, running, and showing how strong they iz.  The only difference is they pay these slaves to feed and house themselves. 

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Verbal contract

Nobody respects the verbal contract like I do. I guess it is my OCD nature. I hate when someone tells me they will do something for me and then doesn't come through. I don't care about the laundry list of excuses of why you couldn't make it happen. All that matters is that YOU SAID you would and you didn't. You pumped my hopes up like a party city ballon and left a bad taste in my mouth like heart burn. I am an extremist when it comes to this, you can call me Phebiee Bin Laden. I really don't cope well with disappointment. It is probably one of my biggest faults. It is the reason I consciously force myself to not have any expectations. Once someone disappoints me it takes a Hercules like effort to make it up. Most people just say fuck it and move on and I don't blame them.

Sorry Mario

I just read a blog about “The Click”. I found it very interesting. It was all about meeting someone and clicking with them. I think I'm very difficult to click with. I'm like a game of mario. You go through some shit to get me and when you think you got me a message say's sorry Mario, but your princess is in another castle. If you are lucky enough to meet that princess you are going to see she is really a scared little girl, and she isn't so much kidnapped held in a tower as she is laying low allowing the goombas, ducks, bowser, and maze of pipes to keep her safe.

I'm not one of those bitches that pretend not to be vulnerable it is just I don't show the extinct of my vulnerability to strangers. I don't see being vulnerable the same as everyone else. Example I will cry in front of anybody. I don't see openly crying as a bad thing. I think it is the strongest thing you could ever do. When you cry in front of someone you let your shield down and you are saying I’m confidant enough to show vulnerability that could be interrupted as weakness.

That part of about it being interpreted  as weakness is the reason I don't show the extinct of my vulnerability to everyone. Because it would be to FUCKING exhausting mentally doing that. Just think how people act when they take kindness for weakness. Now imagine that times ten when they take vulnerability for weakness. A bitch just don't have the patients.

Sleep deprived randomness nonsense

Sleep!!! I cant sleep right now. My mind is all over the place. I no longer feel like I'm alive I feel like I'm spectating my life from a far. My mind is wandering the lonely cities of my consciousness.

Planet earth has been my home for 23 years. However I still feel like a visitor. I'm more at home on the beach that marks the edge of my subconscious. I watch as tsunami like waves of my deepest most private thoughts come crashing down on me. The beach becomes inundated and I drift off to sea. My feelings are a deadly current that I exhaust all my energy fighting. My fears feel like a anchor it is pulling me down. I find myself fully submerged and I see all the things that keep me up at night, they swim by me like a school of fish......

Questions:

If my love don't last forever does it make it any less valid? Allow me to explain. My love is like milk it has a shelf life, and after that date its a wrap. Some people make claims to love someone forever. Pheebz don't like to dream that far in the future. I mean even sugar turns to shit. Nothing last forever so why try. Why lie to yourself and think someone you met when you are in your 20's could be in love with in your 50's. Why we can't just enjoy it while it last. Why do relationships have to have these unreasonable expectation. Why can't it be more like dancing. We meet you grab my hand and lead me to the dance floor and we lock eyes and ignore everyone around us as our bodies intertwine, but when our song is over we exchange pleasantry and go our separate ways.

If love doesn't last forever loyalty doesn't have a recovering pedophile working at a daycare chance for longevity. Which in turn makes all relationships disposable. So why trust anyone. Why put forth the effort in getting to know someone, knowing one day they will back stab you, abandon you and the love you feel for them will fade?

I'm quick to call it quits in any relationship. I live my life by many self written mantra's. One being “If you wasn't there for me when I needed you than I don't need you to be there for me.”

Sorry for the randomness!

Welcome Back?

"Black is back!  get a sun tan bitch take that!" Favorite Diddy line ever!

UPDATES
Well i'm alive. If you didn't know i had surgery. I received a kidney from the best brother in world. : )
Well after my surgery i took a trip to the west coast, and i laid low in Cali and Vegas. Now i'm back in Texas going back to school in January finishing school in December. Maybe falling in love in may. lol

I deleted my twitter as you all should know by now. I might come back to it i don't know but if you ever want to contact me Phebi33_Woodson@yahoo.com : )

But any who i found out why I procrastinate so much.  It is called "Presently bias"

Anyway we are all presently bias. We all put things off  for a later date. Because our present self always think future self has everything under control.  We believe that future us is smarter, faster, stronger, and all around better equipped to tackle the problems we encounter today that we don't want to handle.  That's why people buy veggies and plan on going on diets and then end up never using the equipment and throwing the veggies away when they go bad. Present us and Future us isn't really that different at all. If you don't want to work out now in a weeks time you still aren't going to want to do it. 90% of us will struggle with this. Over achievers let logic dictate their lives. They don't believe a bird in a hand is worth 2 in a bush. Let me break it down. If offered 50 dollars today or offered 150 dollars 3 years from now the majority of us will take the 50. However the over achievers in life will take the 150 logic dictates to them that 150 is more than 50 plus they wasn't counting on this money anyway so they will have no problem waiting. For the rest of us we could be dead in 3 years we need that 50 now.  This line of thinking goes back to cave men times when their was no such thing as the future. We had to kill now because we had to eat now. Everything was in the now. So some of us evolved and some of us didn't. That is why people who really live their lives by religious beliefs are happier and more successful, because the make better choices. Religion teaches not to live in the now. Don't do all these things that feel good and make you happy because Heaven awaits you in the FUTURE.  The future is cool but you can't live in the future. It doesn't exist. It is just a place we put all our hopes, dreams, and ambitions in.  However, we can't live in the now either.  We can't put everything off on future us. We have to make choices based on logic and not present bias. So as hard as it might be turn down the instant gratification for long term happiness.

Unbalance balance

I am mentally unbalanced but that makes me balanced. I never get to broken up over somebody. I never get stuck on people that I love to death. People have a hard time grasping the concept that just because one of my personality love you don't mean the other one do. Thus making me balanced. I'm never too down but also I'm never to excited or happy about someone. Sometimes the realization of that hurts people feelings when they care about me. I don't want to fucking hurt nobody. It's not my fault tho. I give everybody the same warning. I tell them all I'm crazy.

See thats the problem with America you see the beware of dog sign and when you get bit you want to sue somebody. Take responsibility for your actions. You ignored the warning signs.

That comes across so mean but its so true. What you want me to do be one of those people who push people away and don't let anyone get close? Nah How about you read the sign before you come in my back yard. LOL that sounded so nasty. “No butt sex!”

See the real problem is. My personality are so opposite its like a venus fly trap. You see innocent dweebie and you think I can mac her she so book smart I will blow her mind with this game. WRONG!!! That's when Nesha comes in when you got use to me buying that shit and she puts her feet on your sofa she all on your table with out a coaster. Now you are the one saying you are nothing like I thought you were.

I'm not running game its just one of my personality will buy it and one wont and when she see it she will call you on it, and shatter the dream you sold me.

Allegedly

Because of legal reason mainly my probation I can't tell you what happen I can only say what has been alleged to have happened.

So my ex Lance alleged that when he picked up his space jam Jordan's from my house they weren't in the same condition he left them. He complained of a strong Pee like smell. He questioned me about what happened to his shoes. First accusing me of letting my dog piss on them and then asking if I had thrown them in the toilet.

I then asked Lance if he was crazy. Because only a crazy person would seek out another crazy person to date. Who would be considered more crazy, the person who “ALLEGEDLY” pissed in a red plastic party cup and poured said urine inside the sneakers, and let the pee soak in and then took a blow dryer to dry said pee to preserve a pissy smell. Or the person who was dating that person who left his property at her house and then called her up and pushed her buttons while on speaker phone so bitches could laugh?

Then Lance said something to the effect of you are going to pay for my shoes. It was at this time my Pitt bull allegedly began to growl and bark at Lance violently on my alleged command.